The Proposal

The Decision

Every proposal plan starts with the same thing… a decision to do it! Sarah and I grew very close over the ’14/’15 winter. We spent more and more time in each other’s company with the sole exception of Christmas, when we were apart for several weeks due to competing family visits. It was over the course of that break that it really settled in for me that I wanted to be with Sarah for the rest of my life. I grew moderately anxious that when I got back to Rochester from the family home in NJ, that Sarah wouldn’t feel as strongly, and that it would all come crashing down for me.

That was silly. I got home, reconnected with Sarah and realized that she felt just as strongly for me as I did for her. So I started planning. 🙂

The Ring

First things first, I had to find the right ring. While I’m not overly sentimental about physical mementos (I have a lot of tchotchkes, but few have significant meaning for me), I do believe that certain things have massive symbolic value, and the engagement ring is one of those things. It’s an important signal from a man to a woman (or vice versa or some other mix, as you will) of his serious intentions. It’s an important symbol to the world and to the couple that there is a bond between these two people. It’s a statement about the love these two people share.

So, the search was on. I started doing a massive amount of internet searching because nerd. I found dozens of examples of awesome nerd rings: Tolkien universe inspired “One Rings”, GoT inspired finery, various quote rings, interlocking rings, strange metals, etc. Eventually, I found a couple rings via suggestions from friends (you know who you are) that seemed to be on the right track. While they were video game inspired (Legend of Zelda), they weren’t obviously so. The one that lead to the current ring was based on the temple symbols for the water temples and incorporated a triune set of swirls. This iconic device brings to mind many important things relevant to Sarah and me, including the merging of our separate two lives into a third combined one and our shared faith in the triune God. It also struck a nerve with me because I had been reading a science fiction book series featuring a race of people known as the Atevi, to whom odd numbers are important. Sets of three are a recurring theme in this series, and Sarah hooked me on it, so that really made me happy.

Okay, so I had the basic idea. Now, did I just buy the one on the site I found? Nope. It wasn’t quite right. So I continued looking and tried to find an alternate but similar ring either pre-made or that could be tweaked to be just right. Thanks to a suggestion from my friend Weez, I found a set of rings in a local jewelry store that evoked a similar set of emotions for me. I got in touch with the artisan, David Karavenie, and started talking about the ring. It took a month of back and forth, but I eventually settled on the final design and had it shipped. Ring in hand, it was time to plan the night.

The Location

The timing couldn’t have been better. I received the ring not all that long before the anniversary of our very first date. Now, I don’t mean the day in August when Sarah and I started to date again, which lead to our serious relationship. I mean the first time we ever met in person.

Given the timing, I had to propose on that date. I also felt like it would be perfect to take Sarah back to the location of that first date, which was Rochester Taproom at Corn Hill. It just didn’t feel right to take her straight there though. I thought it might be just a bit *too* obvious (as many of you know, I’m just *so* subtle). So I started dropping comments about how I wanted to try this great steak house in town that I’d never been to, to get her used to the idea that we’d be going out that night, without reminding her that it was the anniversary of our first date; I assumed (correctly) that she’d forgotten when that date was. I wanted it to be a fairly romantic night, so we didn’t go out for several weeks before hand, and I picked a great place in town, Tournedos Steakhouse. I stopped by ahead of time before dinner service, spoke with the manager and picked out and reserved the best spot in the place for a couple, right by the fireplace. I knew it would be cold that night, so I arranged for Sarah to have her back right to the fire.

Once we finished dinner, we’d head over to Corn Hill for the proposal!

The Conspirators

Of course, any great plan requires conspirators. In this case, I chose two very important people in our lives to be there to share the evening with us and to help us capture it, along with a great spot, Flight Wine Bar, to share it with several great folks I know.

To “represent” my side, I asked my best man Badger to be there, to help capture the moment with my camera, and to simply help us celebrate the upcoming engagement.

To surprise and delight Sarah, I asked her mother Sharon to be there to help us remember the moment forever and to share in (hopefully!) her daughter’s joy.

The Plan

Given all that came before, the plan was pretty simple. For the week leading up to the proposal I started leaving little Post-It love notes all over Sarah’s house. I hid them in her fridge, her laptop, on her bathroom mirror, on her steering wheel, on her monitor, etc. I wrote all the reasons I love her. (I did mention how subtle I am, right?)

On the day of, I knew Sarah would suspect that something, potentially a proposal, was up, so I continued to talk about how much I was looking forward to trying out the supposedly epic steak at Tournedos. We got there and had a wonderful dinner, and an even better time. I had planned ahead with Badger and Sharon to meet them at Flight right after dinner. I was supposed to text Badger to let him know when we’d be there, but he and Sharon were to get there ahead of time. Turns out, they were on time, but Sarah and I got there over an hour later than planned! Tournedos is great, but fast food it ain’t. I ended up texting Badger multiple times under the table to give him timeline updates. I managed to hide that from Sarah on all but the last one or two occasions!

Finally, we headed over to Flight. I had prepped Sarah to go over there by mentioning (multiple times over the preceding weeks) that Hedonist Chocolate desserts are fantastic; on the night of, I mentioned this again and suggested we head to Flight to try some, since it was after hours for the store. Oh, and by the way, I think Badger and some friends will be at the Taproom nearby, we should stop by to see if they’re still around. (again, subtle)

Once we got to Corn Hill Landing, my plan was to propose on the steps leading to the water. Badger had a great sight line to there from Flight where he wouldn’t be seen once we passed him; this would give him the perfect opportunity to take pictures. Fail. It was so cold that when I tried texting him to warn him when we got there, Sarah started complaining that we should just go inside Taproom to see if he was there! It was now or never. I prayed that Badger had gotten my texts and fumbled for the ring. Sarah was really confused for a second when I pulled out a box of Cracker Jacks. A sealed box! I had wrapped the ring in a polishing cloth the previous day, carefully cut the glue on the box, inserted the ring, and glued it back together. I stopped the confusion when I tore open the box and showed her the ring. Went down on one knee like in all the stories and there it was. She said yes. I was (and am) the happiest man alive. Badger took some pics from inside Flight, popped out and said hi! While Sarah gave him a big hug, she glanced over his shoulder, saw Sharon, turned to me and burst out, “THAT’S MY MOM” and then hugged her too. Grinning like an idiot, I shook Badger’s hand and we all went inside to cheers, snacks and drinks.